


Poem book

by orphan_account



Category: No Fandom, Poetry - Fandom
Genre: Diary/Journal, F/F, F/M, Love Poems, Other, Poetry, poem book
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:34:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 1,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22014955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: An online journal where I turn my feelings into poetry.Hopefully more than just a sappy, melodramatic teenaged memoir.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

He loves me, he loves me not

There's nothing between us,

he makes my stomach knot

but I stay

And slowly rot.


	2. Chapter 2

This song isn't the best,

but I'll be damned if I can't hear it every night

my mom told me she wouldn't want to meet the person who wrote it

but it reminds me of a time not long ago 

when I wasn't as lonely 

even if the quality of the company was so so

I miss it

it was a mess, but messes are an adventure 

you were in pieces, and it's so wrong, but I wanted to rearrange you into a person I liked better 

every piece of you was a new danger and I ran away from you like an accident that I caused 

And all I want is closure, but instead I sit and listen to this song

every night

and I know it's wrong,

but I'll be damned if I'm going to change it


	3. Loneliness

* * *

I sit in bed

tired, but sleepless with

the covers over my head 

Talking to strangers on the internet

My eyes are strained 

but if I rest

I'll know a greater pain


	4. Chapter 4

When I was 7 I had a bright purple bike

That I'd just learned to ride

I rode in circles around the street 

When I was 14 I got a new bike, bright blue

It was old fashioned, with a basket, and flowers on the sides

We'd ride the streets until they circled us back home

And now I'm 18

And my bike is broken 

And I'm still going in circles 


	5. Goodbye

I'm moving on. Sure you'll still be somewhere in the back of my head, but soon there won't be room, because now I'm filling my mind with things that have a functional use. 

Goodbye. Please don't write. I love you too much to ever reply. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to try to enjoy the rest of my life.


	6. The rest of my life

The forecast is cloudy

Surely it's over 

but then again 

Who knows 

Who's to say they got it right

we all make mistakes 

Perhaps the future is bright 

Why should I second guess the rest of my life? 


	7. Defining moment

I think I'm okay,

I don't mean that in every way 

Good? Not quite 

I often lie and do demented things

when I have pulled heart strings 

But, still quite dearly do I love the people near me,

But I've done bad things,

Ignored and teased my friends, to impress friends that Ignored and teased me,

hurt people out of jealousy,

waited for a helping hand, then stepped on it 

I want to say that these mistakes have shaped me to become better, 

and perhaps they made me try a little harder,

but in the end, I just repeat them

again and again and again. 

There's yet to be an end to this cycle of cruelty and projection. Unresolved love and unresolved hate, seething anger taking it's place. 

It's been like this for my entire timeline. But there are other moments. When against all odds I am selfless and kind. I hope these are the moments by which I will be defined. 


	8. Chapter 8

Loving you was like trying to steer

a car with square wheels 

it doesn't work, 

rather funny that I tried 

Even funnier that I don't know how to drive 


	9. Chapter 9

I'm making a mistake today   
and I'll do it again tomorrow,   
I'll let the world go on without me  
because of my silly little sorrows 

I stay here where it's safe, and bitterly tame   
and I'll play a bitter little game where I look for reasons to blame the people who love me.


	10. Chapter 10

If I could simply hide   
the feelings of shame   
that swelter in my chest   
I'd walk with pride   
and put my insecurities to rest.


	11. Chapter 11

I want to be rich and famous  
I want my name to be so well known  
that it's the world's and not my own   
I want friends no matter what   
I want everybody's love   
because the love I receive is never enough


	12. Chapter 12

I didn't love today   
But there'll always another one   
we get a few thousand to waste   
why not make it fun


	13. wooden doll

In Butterfield 8,  
Elizabeth Taylor talked about real confidence,  
and how she wanted nothing more   
than to be adored   
for something other than her pretty face   
but as surely as it became true   
she was erased


	14. Falling

If you saw a picture of me when I was three 

You'd probably recognize me

I had the same hair and face

nothing significant has changed 

I had the same goals 

to run away with someone until we were both old 

but, when I was too young to be afraid of love 

I grew wax wings and soared up above

bright from a distance, you were so bright from a distance 

I never thought I'd be so blinded by the sun

But now my wings have melted and I'm gone.


	15. Big things

I've always been interested in the most, the biggest, and the best 

I reach for the top and leave the rest 

maybe that's why my hands are always empty.

Perhaps its not that life isn't fair,

But that I've been blind to the right people 

the real people whom I should give my love and care 


	16. Chapter 16

Who knows where   
life goes after you   
probably somewhere incredibly frightening   
definitely somewhere new  
perhaps I'll stop being such a pest   
Perhaps I'll move on and truly move on  
and learn to like it, and live in the moment  
Perhaps the people I meet will be unexpected and beautiful   
I'll walk the street with newfound pride,  
a purpose that cannot be shattered, I'll be dutiful,  
or maybe I'll continue to melt into a pathetic arrangement of self defeat, ready to damage myself and everything around me


	17. Chapter 17

Love was my dream 

and now I hate it

cover my pain by calling it overrated 

I see the place on my dresser where your gifts used to be 

it was wrong from the start 

but I can't get rid of the things you've given to me 


	18. Chapter 18

Memorable faces plastered on luminous screens 

movie kisses filling my childhood dreams 

these fantasies flash through mind 

they aren't things I actually find

reality is different it seems 


	19. Chapter 19

The stars are never just the way they are, 

In the depth of night, those tiny holes of light 

Appear in different places in the dark indigo sky 

some nights I wish I could feel the space above me, and others I wish I could fly


	20. What if poem

What if I screw up

What if I fail everything I've ever tried 

What if I haven't tried yet

What if I don't want to

What if I'm resisting happiness in favor of misery, because I'm afraid of change. 

What if I'm doing great


End file.
